Hello fine friends from across the country.
I'm not sure if this is an acknowledgment that I'm discovering a few more physical limitations with age, or fate telling me that I need to take a vacation, but I tweaked the heck out of my back two days ago while carrying a keg up a flight of stairs, and at the moment can't sit down for long periods of time.
So my missive for this week is gonna be short and sweet.
Since I'm also discovering that there's an inverse relationship between how philosophical I can get while typing in pain, I'm gonna try to keep it on the lighter side.
I'm not sure whether to be insulted by, jealous of, or feel pity for Bill O'Reilly after seeing his new "NOT WOKE" mug being sold on the interwebs.
Here are my thoughts:
- Why would one ever put the term "NOT WOKE" on a coffee mug? It doesn't make any sense unless you're specifically drinking decaf.
- What's going on with the design? Red, white, and blue colors without patriotic context, with thin little letters and no imagery for the logo? I'm no designer but this ain't a pretty coffee mug.
- He's charging $24.95 for this monstrosity, and I, up until I saw it, was only charging $9.99 for my WOKE mug. I know roughly how much mugs cost at the wholesale level, and he's making a killing at this price! (which means I just raised my price a buck...because...CAPITALISM)
Buy our WOKE coffee mug for the low, fair, and unRepublican-talk-show-host price of $10.99
Although my back pain is quite acute today, there's one guy that's been a continuous pain in a place somewhat lower than my back for about three years, and his name is Matt Fernholz.
Fernholz, president of the Milwaukee chapter of the Federalist Society and Robin Vos' (affectionately referred to as "Darth Vos" in a recent critically acclaimed sci-fi thriller in one scene) personal attorney, tried to subpoena my bankers last week in order to get personal information about my finances!
Mind you, my insurance company is still on the hook to pay this settlement related to our ongoing defamation case, which will most likely NOT get paid when we win on appeal after a more erudite court discovers the multitude of judicial errors made in the original lawsuit.
Thus Fernholz trying to subpoena my bankers to get personal financial data in a defamation lawsuit seems to be putting the CART WAY BEFORE THE HORSE, or put another way, "going nuclear."
---Kinda like Josh Hawley and Tom Cotton calling for the National Guard to stop students protesting violence in GAZA--you know, the opposite of what actually needs to happen to de-escalate a situation.
Ohhhh these conservatives...with their overactive amygdalae and continued embrace of the failed Dahiya Doctrine to solve problems.....but I digress.
"Kirk, why is this Fernholz guy subpoenaing me about your construction loan?"
"Steve, this guy has a massive Napoleon Complex and his mother must not have loved him. Just ignore him and he'll go away."
"We'll do that...happily."
Now I know the Federalist Society is a terrible organization because it breeds right-leaning/partisan lawyers and judges, but because Fernholz is a member AND our MAGA SCOTUS majority are also all members, I thought I'd do a little more digging.
This Politico article entitled "The Federalist Society Isn't Quite Sure about Democracy anymore," and a book by Duke Historian Nancy Maclean that includes the Federalist Society in the ongoing attempt to put "Democracy in Chains," told me all I needed to know.
Yep, the Federalist Society needed a t-shirt.
Buy our new Federalist Society T-Shirt and get hi-fived at the next Ambulance Chaser Society meeting
Last week, I wrote about how most of the news networks in Wisconsin mistakenly reported that there was a warrant out for my arrest.
What I didn't discuss were all the fun t-shirts that were invented as a result of that crazy episode.
First off, let's talk about the "I"m Kirk Bangstad" t-shirt. I mean, it's pretty narcissistic to try to get other people to buy a t-shirt with my name on it, right?
Here's the story...
While I was "on the lam" but still posting about how I wasn't really hiding, many of our facebook supporters tried to add a bit of levity to the situation.
One of the better "bits" was that someone wrote "I'm Kirk Bangstad"--- referencing the line "I'm Spartacus" from the movie Spartacus---when all the other slaves around Spartacus said they were him in order to obscure the identity of the real Spartacus, who was going to be executed.
We thought that was funny, decided to make some "I'm Kirk Bangstad" t-shirts (in shadowy grey, camo, and pink camo), and sell them so that I could hide among you while being hunted by the Forest County Sheriff.
Not to be outdone, we also came up with a "Wisconsin's Most Wanted Beer T-shirt," and reimagined Forest County's actual logo to better explain my current dicey legal situation.
Ok, last story.
The Minocqua Brewing Company gets fake reviews almost every day from online trolls who want to make us look bad to potential customers.
One particular troll gave us a 1-star review and wished that the bar called "Growlers To Go Go," which USED to be where our Madison tap room is now, would still be there instead of us.
We thought this review was very funny, and in the course of about 24 hours, came up with a few t-shirts to make this troll's day.
Surprisingly, a LOT of people bought the one with the pitchforks on it, which almost makes us worried that the joke hit a little TOO close to home!
Those are all the stories I have for today, and my back can't stand any more typing.
Happy Sunday everyone. I hope you laughed a bit at our expense:)
Kirk Bangstad
Owner, Minocqua Brewing Company
Founder, Minocqua Brewing Company Super PAC